Sunday, December 13, 2009

3 weeks old

You're starting to fill out a little again- which I love. For a while your little face was just looking to skinny to me, but now your getting fuller cheeks again. You're in the awkward stage of getting too long for some of you newborn sized clothes, but still too skinny/little for 0-3 stuff.

Breastfeeding? I cried a lot today. I'm taking a break from nursing you on the left completly. Just pumping it, giving you some of that milk, and relying on the right side to make up the difference (at least I've never had a problem producing I guess). Not sure what the problem is exactly- my steroid cream hasn't done the trick. I have a bad crack that I think is just from proper latching issues that I'm trying to let heal and then we'll go round two. I alwasy freak myself out though worrying about yeast, mastitis, and (dare I say it?) staff. I pray over and over that it'll be okay. Perhaps swallowing my pride and going to or calling the lactation clinic would help- but I feel like this being baby 3, and all I've been through I should be able to figure it out better than them. We'll survive.

You're starting to snuggle and respond to me more. Just in little ways. I love the way you root around- and I like to hold you up to my cheeks and have you try to suck on them- I pretend those are your kisses to me!

I decided to step on a scale today... even though I said I wouldn't do that till my 6week check up. Sitting at +16 lbs, which means I've lost about 16lbs... I'm wondering if thats any more than I lost at the birth between baby, placenta, water weight etc... Oh well. I'm not going to stress myself out about it YET.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Two Week Well Visit

7 lbs 4 oz.
21 inches long

We went in for your "2 week" appointment on Wednesday- so really you were only 12 days old.

Notes:
The last morning we were in the hospital the had you under lights for as much of the time as possible because you were showing high jaundice levels. We ended up having to have lights delivered and set up at our house for the first 24 hours as well. I hated it because we had to keep you stripped down to just a diaper and lay you in the lights barely held in by this little jacket thing. You hated it because you were used to being bundled and held- and so none of us got much sleep that first day & night. Luckily your levels had gone down the next day and so we didn't have to keep you under the lights, although I did have to take you in for one more foot prick. After that one your levels were a bit higher again- but because you were older they said you were fine. At your two week appointment I asked again about it- because you still looked a little "yellow". He said that it was no longer anything to worry about.

Your umbilical chord made me a little nervous too because at just 8 or 9 days it all but came off- which would have been fine if it had been completly ready to- but there was still a little "wet" spot that wasn't ready to come off yet- so I put a bandaid on it to keep it from getting torn off the rest of the way, and by the end of the next day the rest of it had dried and come off, but your belly button was still "weeping" a little from its deep spot. Dr. Bailey said that was fairly common and cotorized the spot. It must have something to do with the fact that you had such a FAT chord. Seriously. Sarah, one of th midwifes kept saying what a fat chord it was.

Nursing is painful. Which is frustrating. I really thought I'd been through enough and learned enough that this time it might go smoothly. My left side was harder for yo to latch onto at first. I used a breast shield which helped- and now you're used to it- but I think the flatter nipple on that side, combined with my ENGORGEMENT I dealt with for 2+ full days made it hard for you to form good latching habits. You kinda knaw your way on- eventually getting a good hold (at least I don't have to worry about you not getting enough) but painful for me at the start of each session. I'm using my creams and lansinoh, and pumping the left side about once a day and giving it to you in a bottle (but we've just started doing this to avoid nipple confusion) to give me a break. It seems to be getting a little better as you get bigger/older- but no matter how hard I try to get you to open up big at the start, those bad habits are hard to break. I'm also constantly worried about mastitis or infections or plugged ducts or yeast since I've dealt with so much in the past> I think I just make it worse by worrying all the time....I'm just hoping that like with Dekker and Josh persistance will pay off and it will get easier.

Over all though you are a good baby. You give me 3 and 1/2 to 4 hour stretches at night- which is longer than the boys ever gave me at this age. And you are just SO DANG CUTE.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

The Day You Came!

It can be hard to put into words such a miraculous thing as the birth of a child. For me, the labor and delivery experience is truly sacred. I apologize that it’s so lengthy- but I had to give some history of Josh and Dekker’s births along with it.

Jake says I was more prepared for this baby than either of our boys. I had her room done, our hospital bags packed, had read lots of books, and put everything I could in order so I would be ready for her arrival. Of course it helped that I fully understood she could come as early as 3 weeks before her due date. Josh had come that early and I’d not been prepared because most people go to at least 2 weeks before due, and first babies often come much later- but he surprised us, my labor with Josh started with my water breaking at about 3am after my 37 week mark.
With Dekker I was a little more prepared; I’d had my strep B test done early so that we’d have the results back before 37 weeks (I didn’t want to have to have antibiotics again), and I knew I wanted to avoid an episiotomy, but I still didn’t think he’d come quite that early early, nor was I prepared for how FAST he would come. There I was on that magic 37 week mark, in the hospital- and my water broke at about the same time- 3am. When I’d gone to the hospital with Dekker I was having regular contractions, but because he was so early they just kept me in a triage room until I “proved I was in active labor” which meant I needed to progress more than a centimeter in an hour- or have my water break. We were in triage for more than 2 hours. My water broke when I’d just hit the 3cm mark- but I went from a 3 to an 8 so fast that they didn’t have time to give me the epidural I’d fully planned on having. I was SCREAMING in pain and shock. They gave me a local anesthetic that only kicked in for the pushing, and they put it in wrong so that I was left with pounding spinal headaches for two weeks after. I vowed that next time I would be prepared to handle a fast labor without medication.
This time of course, I didn’t want to expect her to come at 37 weeks, but I did want to be prepared for it. My guess was that I’d deliver some time in my 38th week (Nov 19-25). However, when at my 36 week appointment I found out I was already dilated to a 3 and 70% effaced, I began to think that she would be coming at 37 weeks too- after all I’d never been that dilated with either of my boys before going into labor. Those next two weeks passed very slowly. At my 37 week appointment I was still at 3cm, but was 80% effaced, and so I still thought that maybe she’d come that early too. But Naomi wanted to surprise us too.
I went in for my 38 week appointment at 1:15 and found out I was at 4.5 centimeters and 80% effaced! Jennifer (one of the midwives) told me that she thought I was going to do something- but didn’t want to get my hopes up too high. She told me not to wait too long before going to the hospital if I started having regular contractions since I’d gone so fast with Dekker. My mom had arrived from Washington that day, and the timing seemed perfect. I walked to pick up Josh from preschool in the hopes that we could “get this baby here”! I started having pretty regular contractions that afternoon and evening. I was watching the clock and they would come every 10, or sometimes even 5 minutes apart- but they didn’t hurt at all and I just couldn’t convince myself I was in labor- they didn’t bring that low crampiness I’d remembered with Dekker. The contractions spread way out by 10pm and I told Jake that I might as well stop worrying about them and go to bed, “this baby ain’t coming tonight” I told him. Then I woke up with a low crampy contraction at 2:30am. It had me on pins and needles cause I just had a gut feeling that this was it! Two more came 4-5 minutes apart and I woke up Jake and told him the baby was coming. We got ready, threw a few more things in our hospital bag and timed contractions that were steady and had me tingling with endorphins all over. It hadn’t even been an hour yet- but we hoped in the car and headed over to Orem Community Hospital.
We got there a little after 3am. I was so excited to see that Vicki Gonzalez, a friend from our ward/church that I was hoping would be working was indeed there! I think because I was so happy and “bouncy” as Vicki said, no one believed that I was really ready to check in and have this baby. They took us to a triage room and hooked me up to the monitors, checked me and found me to be at 5 cm and started going through all the admittance questions. As they were doing this, at 3:35am my water broke (what is it about this time of night?)! The nurse said, “Well, I guess there’s no question now!” and finished with the rest of the admittance procedures and said she’d go call Jennifer (the midwife). They took me to my room and Vicki was my nurse attendant (by request I’m sure). A few short minutes later Jennifer arrived saying she’d gone 80 on the freeway because she didn’t want to miss it. Sarah, arrived a couple minutes after her. Sarah is the newest midwife at the clinic I went to and was attending all the deliveries this month with the other midwives. She’s actually really cool and has lots of experience- and so I was really happy to have her there to deliver my baby as well.
Vicki had asked them to give me the best room they had available- and so there we all were in this large comfy room with the lights low. My room was separate from all the other rooms- maybe because they were afraid since I was going unmedicated I’d be screaming and scare the other mothers.  Jake took a little video of everyone there. I went through some contractions with Sarah and Jennifer helping me by offering counter pressure and coping techniques/birthing positions. Sarah pulled out the birthing ball and we were getting ready to try that when I said perhaps she ought to check me first and find out how far I’d progressed. She found me to be at an 8 already! Everyone was a little surprised at “how easy” I was making it look. Sarah also said I had a “forbag of water” and said that that was probably cushioning the contractions and if I was ready to really have this baby she would break it for me and then I’d probably progress extremely fast to the pushing stage. So she broke the remaining pocket of water and sure enough the intensity picked up. I was struggled a little to get all the way to 10 cm. Jake was counting and said there were about 6 contractions that were obviously much more difficult. But without a huge needle in my back I was not constrained onto my back or in stirrups and so we moved and adjusted with each one. The women were wonderful at seeing my tense spots and helping me relax them, and kept reminding me to relax my jaw and use low noises to help stay loose through the contractions. Before I knew it the pushing instinct kicked in. Sarah and Jennifer scrambled to get their delivery gowns on as they saw the baby crowning. It happened so fast! Three pushes; one to get her down, one for her head, and one for her body. Then, ah the relief! Naomi started crying immediately, they placed her on my belly and I saw her pretty little face for the first time. Jake and I both bawled. She was here. She was healthy and perfect! 5:09 am is what the clock said her birth time was. Just over two and a half hours of labor! Very manageable. She weighed 7lbs 5 oz, and measured 19.5 inches long. With such a quick entry I tore a little, but the recovery has been much easier than that of the episiotomy I had with Josh.
Honestly, it was really a sweet experience. I had three women that I trusted bustling about offering me such great help and encouragement through it all. I had Jake there quietly massaging and rubbing me. I felt like I really couldn’t have asked for a better team to help Naomi come into this world. If you live in this area and will be having a baby I highly recommend delivering at Orem Community with the New Beginnings Midwife group. Even if you do not want to go unmedicated – their philosophy is really to let you understand and make your own decisions and support you in the process. They do deliveries with epidurals and the like as well. They are there for as much of the delivery as possible, not just showing up at the end. They are kind and supportive, and I never had to wait for more than 10 minutes for my office visits, yet always took as much time as I needed to listen and answer any questions I had. Jake had been really nervous about my plans to go natural and with midwives this time, but he admits that it was so nice to have them there and offering so much support the whole time, and he was surprised that I made it without screaming, crying, hitting, or wishing I’d gotten the epidural. The Orem Community hospital is small and quite, but with large rooms. The staff is amazing. I really don’t know that I would change a thing about my delivery this time. I’m so thankful for everyone that helped Naomi have such a beautiful entrance into this world!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

37 Week appt

Weight: +32 lbs
Naomi's heart rate: 130 bpm
Measuring: right at 37 weeks
Dialated: "3 stretch cm"
Effaced: 80%
Station: -1
Biggest belly point: 43 inches

My appointment was on Thursday. Jana said "I won't be surprised if I see you this weekend, but you could last another week." She did say that you're head is FIRMLY engaged, which is a little surprising for a 3rd baby- since most 3rd babies don't engage until pretty soon before labor. So I've been on pins and needles since. I really haven't expected you to come as early as the boys until I found out I'm already dialated and effaced so much- so it makes it hard to know what to expect. I didn't really want you to come on Thursday (my "magic" night) because Jake was supposed to go to classes the next day (and did) and I didn't really want you to be born on Friday the 13th either. Saturday would have been okay- but I wasn't really "feeling it" until Saturday night. I was having a contraction about every 15 minutes for an hour and a half- but then they stopped!

I'm not going to lie- today has been the first really hard day so far. You are SO LOW- and so trying to sit for 3 hours and keep my knees together is NOT comfortable. Plus, a lot of people at church had heard my "stats" and so were very surprised to see me there. I know I shouldn't complain- because I'm still not even two weeks from my due date- but I feel like a walking time bomb that everyone is waiting to go off.

The good news is that Vicki Gonzalez just got back last night from helping her daughter with her newborn (in California) and so I'm more likely to also have her as my nurse attendant at the hospital (she works Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays).

This is the first time I've ever really had to play the "waiting game"- and I'm sure it won't be too much longer. Like Jake said last night- this is kinda the fun time though- where every minute he's checking his phone, or we're looking at each other thinking, "Is this IT?!?!" I'm sure you're enjoying keeping us guessing.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

36 Week appointment

Weight: +31 lbs (not bad for all the Halloween cany I've eaten!)
Naomi's heart beat: 130
Measuring: right at 36 weeks
Dialated: 3 cm!
70% effaced (if I remember right)
-1 station (pretty sure that's what she said)

Can I just say a love working with a low-key midwife office instead of a crazy OB office?! After my last appointment at 34 1/2 weeks Jana told me to be sure to schedule my 36 week appointment for right at 36 weeks so they could do and get back my Strep B test done and back before my famous 37 week mark, but when I set my appointment I accidently set it for NEXT Thursday instead of today- even though in my head I set the appointment for today. So when I got there today they didn't have me on the schedule! "No worries!" they assured me- they weren't super busy and so just added me to the schedule. I think I STILL only had to wait 10 minutes to be seen, which is about a third the time I used to always have to wait at the OB office when I was pregnant with Dekker.

I saw Jen today- and she told me that Sarah (the new midwife) just got her delivery privledges- and so she's attending most of the births with Jen and Janna for the next little bit. This is great news because I really like Sarah, and I'll have TWO midwives there helping me out!

Jen said that Naomi is head down and at the moment not posterior- although I guess that can still change. After the strep B test she checked my cervix and said, "You're a 2.5, nope- I'd say 3 cm dialated." She said the cervixi is thinning and that her head is right up against my cervix. I was surprised since even with Dekker I was only at 1.5 cm. Jen said that usually women do dialate earlier and longer with the more babies they have- and that I could sit at 3cm for a while- but that it certainly looks as if my body is getting ready to have the baby. So yes, I'm a little excited (and nervous).

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Midwife Appointment

Weight: +30 lbs
Naomi's heart rate: 140bpm
Measuring: 33 weeks

It's getting close. I'm measuring a little small but Jana (the midwife I saw today) said it's probably because Naomi seems to be mostly all on my right side- in more of a posterior position. Jana gave me some stretches and ideas on things to encourage her to move and turn. She said it's nothing to be worried about- but might as well help her along. She said Naomi is head down- but that he head is not "engaged" yet- which she said is also very normal- especially for non-first babies. It's funny because up until a few days ago Naomi was mostly on my left side- so much pressure in one spot that I was getting a burning/senstive stretched spot- so I noticed when she shifted because it was a bit of a relief! Now if we can just get her to shift between the two.

My next appointment is scheduled on my 36 week mark so we can make sure to get my strep B test done and back before 37 weeks (when Josh and Dekker came). That will also be the first time they check my cervix.

Monday, October 26, 2009

34 Weeks and counting

I went in for the follow-up ultra sound this morning. They said that all the fluid levels look normal- and so they see no cause for concern! No more ultra sounds, and I'm cleared to deliver at Orem Community hospital!

They took all your measurements and said that you way about 6 lbs, and that you are measuring about a week ahead. You're head down and pretty low- which is always a relief. And we caught you sticking out your tongue and taking a drink (so cute).

I am just so totally excited for you to get here! I've been doing major nesting. Your room is all painted- I have your name in Vinyl up on the wall and got some more wall vinyl that I'm hoping to put up soon. I washed all your newborn and 0-3 month stuff and have things organized in your closet, drawers and baskets. I even made you a new laundry sack that's pink and white instead of the yellow one I had and went to JoAnne's Fabric store the other day and picked out material to make a new boppy cover as well as a couple blankets and burp clothes. Nana gets here Wednesday night and is staying till Saturday and so I figure it'll be fun to have her help me with some of those sewing projects.

Tomorrow I go in for my check up with the midwife clinic.

Monday, October 12, 2009

32 Weeks +

Weight: +29 lbs
measuring: right at 32 weeks
biggest belly point: 42 inches
your heart rate: 155 bpm

Had an appointment with the midwife clinic this morning. It was a pretty in and out type of appointment. I did get told that I should probably watch my sugars and carbs since I never took the glucose test- but said that they're really not to concerned about it.

Rick and Jen had their baby girl last week and named her Baylie Marie (Jake and I were both advocates for the Baily name since we love it but can't use it since it was Jake's old girlfriend's family name that she wanted to use). Unlike their first daughter who was born with only a tiny bit of blonde hair- Baylie was born with lots of dark hair. She is SO CUTE and totally reminds me of Josh and Dekker when they were born- and it has me SO EXCITED to meet you and see what you'll look like!!!

Also, my cousin Natalie is throwing me a baby shower on Saturday- so I'm very much looking forward to that.

I finally got your room painted. It's a light teal color. Jake laughs because the room was yellow for Dekker and is now "blue" for our baby girl. But its very feminine and I really like it. I also ordered some cute vinyl wall art the other day that I think will help bring everything together. Since we've moved the boys I've finally been able to start organizing and setting up your things in there now and I love to go in there and look at all the cute little girl things I've been collecting from sales racks and such.

All of my family is going to be here for Thanksgiving- we figured that Mom would probably need to be here to help with you- and since Garrett and Kari are already here in Provo we might as well just have Denny come and then I invited Brian- and he called the other day saying that he and Kjerstin will most likely be here too! So if you do wait till Dec. 3rd or later it will be a bit of a dissappointment for everyone that's hoping to have you around for that holiday. If you were to come exactly 3 weeks early like your brothers, that would be November 12th- I'm guessing you won't come till some time during week 38 (Nov 19-25), but my "ideal" birth day for you would be November 14th. Weekends are always nice because its easy for Jake to be around- but now that he has class up in SL some Saturdays the weekend of the 14th would be best since his classes are on Friday that weekend- and we'd have some time to settle in before everyone arrives for Thanksgiving. We'll see how it all plays out though. My only fear is that I go into labor on Saturday the 21st while Jake is up in SLC and he can't get here in time- even that is unlikely though- since I'm sure you won't come SO FAST that he can't leave Salt Lake and get down here in time.

Well, Little One, we are all VERY excited!!!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

28 week apt

My appointment was on Monday. I successfully avoided my glucos test by not reminding them it was my 28 week apt when I checked in- and because I had to wait a little, by the time I got in I didn't have a full hour before I needed to be back to pick up Josh at preschool. They want me to come back some time this week or next to take the test- but we'll see if I get around to it.

The midwife clinic has three midwives- but at my last appointment they informed me that due to health reasons, one of them was leaving and would be replaced quickly. Yesterday I got to meet the new midwife and I really like her. She was super friendly and very supportive of my birth plan decisions. We were talking about books on natural childbirth and she recommended Birthing from Within- and so I might pick that up since I finished my other birthing books.

weight: + 27 lbs (I think I added a couple extra during my trip to WA)
measuring: 29 weeks
Your heart rate: 137
biggest belly point: 40.5 inches

Sunday, September 13, 2009

ultra sound #2

We went in for our follow-up ultra sound Thursday morning. Jake went with me, but we had a sitter come stay with the boys. Even though our blood tests coming back "normal" has released us from major worry- the ultra sound did of course bring up a few nerves again. Most people love to have ultra-sounds. I think I will forever more hate them. Along with any test that gets me stressed about things that really aren't in my control.

This ultra sound was much better though. The cysts have gone away. Naomi's abdomen is still measuring large- but there are no other signs that it is due to something serious. They looked for some of the other signs that would indicate the large measurement is due to some digestive blockage and found none. We did however agree to another ultra sound at 34 weeks where they will again measure the amniotic fluid and measure her again. It's just a precautionary measure. Basically too much amniotic fluid (fluid levels were normal this time) could indicate a problem- in which case they would recommend that I deliver at Utah Valley instead of Orem Community since the Utah Valley hospital has the Neonatal Clinic where she could have immediate surgery should it be necessary. The doctor stressed over and over again though that he did not think that would be the case. That if there were an issue we would see more signs of it by this point- and that the next ultra sound is just to be sure. He also talked to us again about the soft markers and blood tests again. Really all he could say is that there is not enough evidence to cause a lot of worry- but that of course ultra sounds and blood tests aren't perfect, and so there are no guarantees.

We've decided to trust that everything will be just fine, and to not stress out over that which we cannot control.

On a lighter note-

I picked up a few cute things at a couple yard sales this weekend for you- some little booties and a couple dresses.

You're giving me heart burn more often- so Tums Ultra are now stashed in a couple different place for quick retrieval.

From the ultra sound measurements they estimate your weight to be 3 pounds. You're getting bigger- and I can feel it! It's hard to explain, but you're no longer a little thing moving and bumping around here and there- I can feel little your little parts and limbs pushing and expanding all the time- It must be getting tighter in there because you are pushing up on my ribs more and more these days.

Oh- and it seems a bit late in the pregnancy for cravings (at least for me) but lately I've been drinking a lot of milk (which is STRANGE for me), chocolate soy milk, and toasted whole wheat "eggos" with peanut butter and jelly.

Monday, August 10, 2009

What others are saying...

I wanted to post some bits of emails and things that others have said regarding you that I feel are notable.

From your Grandma Chris:
Can I just tell you I'm honored that you would give her my name as a middle name?! I like my name becaues its versatile and because it means "follower of Christ"
Love You!
Mom

From your Papa Ger (taken from 3 different emails):
A little Girl is perfect! Naomi Christine....very cool.

Sera and I were just talking about a baby girl niece. She is excited and really likes the idea.

I was just thinking of you and was going to drop a note when yours popped up on the screen. Good Vibes!
I'm sure you're were on pins and needles after the ultrasound. I totally understand how worried you were and how relieved you must feel now.
I'm glad you elected to be conservative and take it easy. I'm sure you have enough stress in your daily routine let alone trying to drive to CA solo, pregnant with two rascally boys in tow.
I will try to get there to visit again at some point. It sounds like you are feathering your nest and getting ready for a little girl wonder to soften out and challenge those boys. She will be lucky to have two cool big brothers to look after her best interests. She will likely enjoy playing princess too. You'll have to teach her how to do the elongated girly name thing...."BRRRIIIIAAAAN!" ...... JOSSSHUAAAA!
Sweet, girly intentions ! Naomi will be beautiful !
Love,
DAD

Thursday, August 6, 2009

23 Weeks. Ultra Sound: The whole story

Weight: +20 lbs
Biggest belly point: 38 1/4"

Forgot to report that your heart rate at 20 weeks was 150 bpm.

I think I'm ready to tell the whole ultra sound appointment story. I've been meaning to sit down and do this for about a week now- but we've been SO BUSY, and I knew it was something that would take some time to do. Here goes...

The midwife group I see had me schedule my ultra sound at the UVRMC (Utah Valley Regional Medical Center) since they don't have the equipment to do it in their offices. I scheduled it for the earliest time (9am) so Jake could go with me and go right to work afterwards. We loaded up the boys that morning and everyone was excited- even Dekker, though I'm not sure he understood what was going on.

We got there about 10 minutes early, but they didn't call us back till 9:20. The technician was nice and pointed out the heart, the feet, hands, and that WE'RE HAVING A GIRL!!! We were all so excited- and Jake surprised- to hear that. The technician was taking longer than I had remembered with Josh or Dekker, and was spending A LOT of time measuring certain things, and KEPT looking at the heart. I figured they probably are just more thorough there at the UVRMC, and maybe now there were more things that they tracked/looked at than with Josh. When she was done she said she'd go and get the doctor to come in and look and "tell me what she sees". That worried me for a moment- but I remembered that every time I'd had an ultra sound the doctor came in to go over it as well after.

We waited for A LONG TIME. Jake sent a mobile update to his facebook about a girl- but was getting a bit anxious to get to work. Another lady came in and explained she was a Nurse Practitioner and also wanted to take a look before the doctor came in. This worried me for a moment- but she said, "all the patients get triple treatment with me here this week". Okay... So she squirts more stuff on my belly and starts looking around, but she's even MORE slow and it seemed ALL she looked at was the heart! I'm thinking in my head- this poor lady is really new at this and only knows how to find the heart! By this time the boys are DONE being in there- they found out what they wanted to know, and now they're running all over the place and Jake is trying to keep them from breaking all the really expensive equipment as well as running Josh to the bathroom, etc. She leaves and says the doctor will be in next.

We wait for a long time again, and Jake is saying, "I really need to get to work!" The RN and the Doctor then come in. And I'm all restless, thinking, "finally- lets do this and get out of here!" The doctor checks out a couple things and then again goes to the heart, but says, "there's a good baby". After that she turns to me and says the frightening words, "There are a couple of things we need to talk about with your baby..."

My heart sank. That is NOT what I wanted to hear. All thoughts about how long we'd been there and frustration that 3 people were spending SO MUCH TIME looking at my baby vanished. First she says, and then shows me what looks like a little bubble in the babie's head- "this is a choroidplexis cyst" she explains that we all have these, but in 1-2% of babies they enlarge to a point that they see them on an ultra sound. But she emphasises that they see these in 1-2% of all babies and I'm thinking, okay... so what does that mean. She said MOST of the time these cysts go away on their own- and have no lasting affect on the baby. However, they CAN be a "soft marker" for down syndrome. "How old are you?" she asks (31). Okay, the NEXT thing I see is that your baby has "two dots in her heart" (EIF). She emphasises that these two are ALSO seen in 1-2% of all babies, and can end up having NO AFFECT on the baby, BUT (and here is where I start to cry) when we find two of these soft markers together, and we look at your age we have to start lookin at the possibility chances of your baby having Down Syndrome. I'm obviously upset at this point and look over at Jake who just looks stunned. She tells me she's sorry to be telling me all of this, but its important for me to know and understand my options. She then goes on to say that the baby's belly is also SLIGHTLY outside of normal measurements- but that she's not too concerned about that since it's only by a small amount (she could have merely just swallowed a bunch of liquid and have a full belly) and there are no other signs of problems in the abdomen (such as a "double stomach" or blocked stomach or something like that...it's all such a blur). She was very assuring and calming at this point- giving me stats, facts, and positive thoughts (I'm glad she was such a good doctor).

She said the good news was that the hard markers such as a heart deformity and other problems were not present in our baby. She asked if I'd had early blood tests to measure the DS possibilities to which I told her "no". She explained that with the two soft markers and my age, that without blood test results there was a 1/100 chance our baby had Down Syndrome. She said blood tests could give us a much more accurate number. She said, it'll still only be a ratio or chance, you can have an amnio which is 99% accurate, but that there 1/300 miscarriage chance with that. She suggested we have the blood test done- which could come back saying the chances are only 1/10,000, but could also come back saying 1/2 chance. She said after those tests we could think more about an amnio- but told a story of one patient who's blood tests came back 1/2- but chose NOT to have the amnio, and the baby was born WITHOUT DS. Jake and I decided that we wanted the blood tests done- so she gave me an order for one and told me I could go to the outpatient building and have it done at any time. However, the blood tests would take two days to come back, so if I had the test done that day (Thursday) that would be a Saturday for the results coming back- she said that she'd leave a note for someone to call us if there was someone in on Saturday- but that more than likely we wouldn't hear back until Monday since the hospital staff is so reduced on the weekends.

We quietly and quickly gathered our things and headed out the door- without bothering to pick up the $2 DVD of the ultrasound. Jake had to get to work- and so I drove him there and then had to go back to the hospital for the blood tests. What was suppposed to be a happy momentous occasion left us stunned. We were saying positive things to each other, trying to boost the other up- but I think we were really both still in a state of shock. I dropped Jake off and then headed back to the hospital- the kids WERE NOT happy to be going back there- but I told them if they were good I'd take them to McDonald's after for lunch and play. I had my blood drawn, took the kids to McDonald's and ate my lunch without tasting a thing (probably a good thing since I'm not a McDonald's fan). Honestly as I thought and prayed silently to myself I felt more peace than I expected and felt assured that everything would be fine- that our baby did NOT have DS. Later when I got home I found a few minutes to read a little more online and found several stories of women in similar circumstances who's blood test results came back with very good news and then had healthy babies. Some also had amnios that gave them good news- again I felt lifted. But there was STILL that CHANCE.

That night was the worst- that's when the fear set in. I finally started to think about the WHAT IF... I don't think I slept at all that night. We'd decided not to worry anyone unless we got back worse numbers from the blood tests. We only told my mom, Jake's mom, Jake confided in Chris at work, and we told his brother who was here staying with us- and assisted Jake in giving me a blessing. Though we both felt that Naomi (we quickly decided on a name so that people could pray for her by name and we could put her name in at temples) was going to be perfectly healthy and normal- but we also began to talk about the possibility of having a DS child. It's interesting all the thoughts and feelings you go through at a point like this. I was never angry or upset at the thought of having a child with DS- but I knew it would be a great challenge. I've met people with DS before and they are always very kind, gentle people- I knew that for that reason we as a family would learn a lot about compassion, love and patience. As my mother pointed out- of all the physical/mental challenges to be faced with- it really is one of the "better" ones. Yet as everyone was congratulating us on A GIRL- I couldn't help but wonder if I'd even care if we were having a boy or girl if I could just be told they didn't have DS and that everything looked "normal". We prayed A LOT. It was hard to always know what to pray for though- because I wanted to have faith that Heavenly Father could make everything okay, and trust in that power- yet I also know that none of us is exempt from facing trials and I wanted to be able to accept whatever His will might be. Mostly I prayed for peace, and that our little girl would feel loved and accepted from day one no matter what!

I had an appointment with my midwives to review the utlra sound later the same afternoon. I went with more questions. I visited with two of the three. One, Jana, was particularly helpful. She shared with me that she had gone through a similar experience with one of her daughters and empathised with how hard it was to WAIT for results and know what to think/feel. She tried to help me see the positives and told me that we WOULD NOT HAVE TO WAIT TILL MONDAY FOR RESULTS! She said that they would have someone on call on Saturday- and that as my caregiver would have access to the results on Saturday and that I should call the after hours number and have the on call nurse look up the results. That was VERY good news. As I said, Thursday night I hardly slept at all. Friday I was on an emotional roller coaster. Josh a couple of times would shake me out of it by giving me a hug and asking why I looked sad. Friday was the day that Jake and Rick gave me a blessing though- and I actually got a decent amount of sleep that night.

Saturday morning I called midwives a little after 9am (as instructed). The nurse on call was the one nurse I don't yet know- so I explained my case and she told me she was at home and that it would take her a while to get into the system from her home computer- but that she would look it up and call me back within the hour. She called back about a half hour later and told me she'd found the results. She said the results came back "normal" and then gave me the specific numbers which was 1/5,000 for Down Syndrome. I cried and told her thank you and that I felt that was GREAT news. I ran down to tell Jake and Rick the good news. Jake gave me a hug and smiled, but was quiet. He wanted me to go over all the numbers and things she had told me. We both agreed we could trust that Naomi would not have Down Syndrome. I was glad Jake felt the numbers were good enough since he'd expressed that if the numbers came back less than 1/100 he would want to explore/talk about an amnio more- whereas I was very much against it. We agreed we'd talk more about it if the need came.

Jake later told me it had been hard for him to know how to react at first "because we would have loved her just the same had she had Down Syndrome". Though it was a relief to get such good numbers back, we both are more aware that there is still a chance of DS, but also more aware of what a chance we take ANYTIME we conceive- and what a MIRACLE life - especially healthy and "normal" babies are. I called my mom, and Jake's mom. Jake's mom said that all she'd been able to pray for was that the results would come back well, but said that she also felt that as she thought about it she was grateful to realize (and we felt this way too) that our family would be strong enough and kind enough to welcome such a special spirit were the Lord to need to do so. And that's what it all comes down to.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

22 weeks: The future Naomi?


So I can't help but wonder what you'll look like. I predict you'll be born with lots of dark hair like your brothers- but what about as you get older and really start to look like YOU?! Well, today I was browsing little girl stuff (cause I can't help but do that these days) and there was a picture on the GAP website that I could actually imagine you looking similar to! A little of Jake in the eyes/eyebrows and the same color hair I had at that age... so I'm posting it here.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

20 Weeks

And we're having a GIRL!

Lately:

My body temp is rising, and so is the outside temps- not such a good combination.

Getting kicked in my bladder and feeling very stiff if I sit too long.

Weight: +14 lbs

Biggest belly point: 38"

Monday, July 13, 2009

A mover and a shaker!

Little one- you must be a mover and a shaker! Maybe I just have a bad memory (which is why I started this blog as a sort of journal for this pregnancy) but I do NOT remember feeling Josh or Dekker this much this early. It seems like you're always squirming in there and seem to have a talent for finding my bladder. The fun thing is that you're getting stronger and can now sometimes also be felt on the outside. Your dad was gone to a softball tournament this weekend down in St. George, but I began noticing Friday night that your more powerful kicks could be felt from the outside! Then last night when Jake was home he wanted to see if you could feel you- you weren't really in the mood to give him a show at first I guess, because he sat there for a while with his hand on my belly talking to you and trying to wake you up with no sucess- but then about 10 minutes later you began to kick and twist a bit. He only got to feel one kick, but it was still really exciting!

Thursday is the big day we get to find out if you're a boy or girl. I put a post on our other blog to find ask others to cast in their votes. So far most everyone thinks you're a girl. I think so too- but yesterday when I was at church I was watching the Wilkey family- they have SIX BOYS. I'm sure Sister Wilkey would have liked to have a girl in their somewhere but they are all just the coolest, nicest boys! I have one in my primary class and Jake has a couple in young men's and we just love 'em. Anyway- it made me realize that having a brood of cool boys would be pretty fun too- so we'll be happy either way!

Love you!

Mama

Friday, June 26, 2009

Week 17

Hi Little one! I've been feeling you move this week!!! At first it was subtle and I wasn't sure- but now I feel you more consistantly. It's so nice to know you're alive and well in there!

Getting a good night's rest has been harder lately. I need to go and get a body pillow.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

16 Week Appt

Wight: +9 lbs. (yikes!)
Biggest Belly Point: 35.5 inches

I haven't written much lately becuase this last little bit has been pretty uneventful. Not feeling too sick (but I do still feel sick later at nights- especially if I eat spicey/strong flavored foods), but can't yet feel you move (although there have been a couple times when I've thought "is that the baby?" recently). Getting more heartburn, feeling more hungry, and gaining more weight, and the belly is bigger! I've had 2-3 people now openly recognize that I'm pregnant before I told them- all of them know what I look like non-pregnant too though. Don't think I'm quite to the point where a stranger would dare ask.

Went to the midwife today and took both boys with me. Josh was SO excited to hear the baby's heart beat. 134 bpm this time- much easier to find and clearer this time. And we scheduled the ultrasound appointment! Thursday July 16th at 9am. And we are most certainly finding out what we'll be having. I CAN NOT WAIT!

Saturday, May 30, 2009

The baby comes early gene

I just got home from my cousin Emily's wedding reception. She's a cousin on the Bybee side. I have lots of Bybee family here in the area- but I don't see them all that often. It was nice to see everyone- especially my Aunt Sue who I love! She has five girls (and 2 sons) and I always get told I look like a "Sue Wright girl". I was talking to her and her daughter and telling them that I'm pregnant. They asked when I'm due and I told them December 3rd but that I'm counting on a November baby since both Josh and Dekker came 3 weeks early. They both quickly responded, "Yep, we're related!" My Aunt went on to tell me that all of her babies came early some even 4, and one SEVEN weeks early. Her daughter Stephenie told me that all of hers (she has four or five- I can't remember) came early, again mostly 3 one 4 and, one tried to come seven weeks early too- but the doctors made preventions to keep the baby from delivering that early. Anyway- it was really interesting to hear because I am built like them, and both Josh and Dekker had lots of dark hair which is another thing that we have in common. So yeah- just a fun side note.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

For the record...

I wanted to give an overview of my deliveries with Josh and Dekker. I think it's important to see how I remember and look back on those experiences since they are obviously going to influence my choices this time around.

My delivery with Josh really went pretty close to what I expected, except for the fact that he came three weeks early. I'd planned on having an epidural because my thought was, "why deal with pain if you don't have to?". Besides that's what everyone around me was doing and saying. I guess I bought into the "doctors know best" mentality and so pretty much went along with the crowd.

My labor lasted 11 or 12 hours. Started with my water breaking between 2 and 3am, and we threw a few things into a bag and headed to a hospital (we hadn't yet packed the bag since I thought I still had at least another week). my contractions started on their own luckily, so no PIT needed, I got my epidural when I was about a 4. Loving the pain relief I gave myself a bit to much with the magic button, and went completely numb from the waist down. I realized I DID NOT like that, and so decided NOT to push the button again, and luckily it wore off enough that I could feel enough (even with the epidural) to push the last 45 minutes and have a healthy baby boy.

My big hangups were two. First; I had no understanding of perennial stretching, and only vaguely remembered reading about episiotomies- and so said "sure" when my doctor asked me if I wanted an epesiotomy "to help the pushing part move faster". My recovery was NOT fun, I felt sore for two weeks or more- I think mostly due to the episiotomy, but I was achy and stiff for the first couple days beyond the perennial pain, which I wonder if was due to the epidural. Second; because he came so early they didn't have my strep B test results (I'd just had them done the day before) and so they had to give me antibiotics- and I have really small veins, so after SEVERAL attempts by the nurse (all resulting in nasty bruises) they had the anesthesiologist hook me up to my IV for antibiotics. I blame those antibiotics partly for the thrush/yeast problems I faced later.

The last and largest problem: Josh did have a bit of a hard time transitioning. After only a couple of good cried he began kind of grunting and moaning. They took him up to the NICU and put him on oxygen for only about 10 minutes, but than monitored him for a VERY long time. Jake chased after them of course and so I was left by myself for what I want to say was 3 hours?!?! Probably not really that long though. That also meant there was little to no bonding time right after birth, and we did struggle those first few days learning to breastfeed. It's hard to say though why he struggled transitioning. For the longest time I figured it was because he was so early. Could it have also had something to do with the epidural or early cord clamping? Maybe.

In the end though- I was happy with the experience- honestly my biggest frustration was that I let the doctor talk me into an episiotony. But I'd really felt I'd been able to deliver with as little complications or unnecessary aids as possible. That's why going into my pregnancy with Dekker I really didn't plan on changing much.

With Dekker I told my doctor I DID NOT want an epesiotomy, but some help stretching and pushing techniques to help me tear as little as possible. I also told him I wanted my strep test done a little earlier in case I went early (which I did, 3 weeks exactly- again) so I could avoid the antibiotics. However things did not go exactly the same- and I learned A LOT from my second delivery.

When I went in for my 37 week appointment the doctor said I was a 2, the same as the last week. I was a little disappointed since I knew this day marked the same amount of time before my due date that I went into labor with Josh. I was shocked though when my doctor stripped my membranes and simply told me as he was doing it- as if it was no big deal (not cool!). He said it only sends 10% of people into labor- and only if they're ready anyway, and "I might feel bad if I see you later tonight". Well- I was sure to remind him of that when I DID see him later that night!

My labor started with cramping (7p), which turned to contractions(10pm), which turned to steady contractions (midnight). When I got to the hospital I was only dilated to a 2.5, and since I was 3 weeks early they had some rule that kept me from being admitted till I showed that I was in "active labor". The nurse kept me in triage and said that if I progressed a centimeter within an hour, or if my water broke I would be in "active labor" and they could admit me. So I walked the floors and labored for an hour, but was not even to a 3- she said they still couldn't admit me. I asked if it was false labor- she said "No, you're steady enough that you're for sure having this baby- we just can't admit you yet or give you any pain medications." I was doing okay up till this point handling the pain, but then the contractions started to come harder and faster. I know now it's mind over matter, and I'm sure now that if I'd been more prepared to do it on my own I would have been fine- but I was not prepared to deal with it and I was frustrated with the whole situation.

So we waited another hour- this time a very painful, frustrating hour- but still I had not progressed enough. By that point I was crying and moaning in pain and my poor husband didn't know what to do and was just begging them to admit me and give me my epidural. It was right about then that my water broke (2am). They quickly wheeled me into a room, finally admitting me. My contractions were coming one right on top of the other and pounded me with incredible force and I was begging for an epidural. the anesthesiologist came, but was taking his time asking me all kind of questions as they got me set up in my room, the nurse came and checked me and found out that in that brief span of time I'd progressed from 3.5 to an 8- the anesthesiologist, realizing that I wasn't exaggerating like he'd thought said, "we don't have time for an epidural" - desperate for "something!" he gave me a local anesthetic, he'd barely administered it when I was a ten and my doctor was brought in. I started pushing, and he helped with the stretching and it wasn't really until the last 10 minutes that the meds took effect.Dekker was born at 4:07am. Unfortunately, probably because of the rush of it all, the anesthesiologist must have administered the drug wrong because I had POUNDING, what they call "spinal headaches" for the next two weeks. I guess I should have gone back for a "patch" to fix the problem- but I was so leery of anesthesiologists by then, and it wasn't even guaranteed to work- and so I just endured. Besides the headaches though my recovery was 100 times better than it had been with Josh. I was amazed at how little pain I felt (I'd only tore a tiny bit which didn't even require stitches) and how easy I was able to get up, walk around and go to the bathroom etc...

After that I decided I'd do the rest naturally- because though it had been scary at the time, I'd survived and done it pretty much without any meds- and I really don't want to feel helpless if I run into the "sorry we can't admit you yet" or if the baby comes too fast once I am in "active labor", and because my recovery had been so much easier. So that's the gist of it.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

12 weeks and counting

Oh littlest- I've been so busy lately that I haven't found the time to update this blog! I went for my 12 week appointment on Thursday. The midwife said I've only gained a pound since my last appointment- but I informed her that I gained 5 pounds right off the bat (even before my first 8 week appointment) bringing my total to 6. You did give me a bit of a scare though when she had to search, and search, and SEARCH to find your heartbeat! She finally found it briefly though two different times. 170 bpm- I guess that's good. She said you were just moving all over the place and thats why she had a hard time finding you.

My nausia has GREATLY lessoned now. Just fleeting moments of it- mostly after 9pm. Having to use rubberbands to extend the waistbands on ALL my regular pants/shorts/skirts now- and am finding elastic waistbands and loose shirts are my friends! Still too small for maternity clothes though.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Names

Here's the scoop. If you're a boy we're pretty much decided we'll name you Titus Bradley Runyan. We really likedd the name Titus when I was pregnant with Dekker- but thought it was a bit too much of a jump from Josh- but we feel that the name Dekker works as a buffer. We both really like the nick name "T" and so that will probably be used a lot. Bradley is after my brother who died when he was just 2 and a 1/2.

If you are a girl we're having a harder time. I think we'll end up naming you Naomi Christine Runyan. I love the name Naomi, and Christine is my mom's name, as a well as a family name on Jake's side. Jake was pretty opposed to the name at first because he thought it sounded Native American or something- but I think it's grown on him now. He still really likes the name Bella- which was our girl name when I was pregnant with Josh- but Isabella is one of the most popular names in the nation right now- and after the whole Twilight series I'm pretty over the name. We both like the name Jacey or JaceyMay but everytime we tell others they ask, "J.C?" with not so pleasant looks on their faces- and we're worried Dekker will feel left out being the only one without a J name....So that's the scoop for now. Name discussions always get more serious when you know for sure what you're having- So we'll see.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Elastic waist bands are great!

Man, this last week my belly has really started to grow! I mean- most people probably just think I've got a "pooch",but if you know me, and know I'm pregnant- it's certainly starting to show! This week I've had to rubberband the button on my jeans for more stretch, pull out my bigger sized pants, and of course- the elastic waistbands. Oh- and certainly no more fitted tops for me! I know I didn't show this much this early with Josh or Dekker- but I guess my body just "knows what its doing" this time around. Oh- and just the past two days I've started to feel the pregnant munchies. I can't eat my regular 3 meals a day anymore- time to allow for smaller meals and more frequent snacks and liquids- which is how I probably SHOULD eat all the time- but is now a necessity.

Oh my sweet little one! I think about you all the time now... This pregnancy is going SO SLOW!!!!! I want to at least find out if you are a boy or girl so we can settle on and start referring to you by name!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Weight gain

Well, even though I gained 4-5 pounds off the bat, at least this last month it's only solidified that total at 5 and hasn't been more than that. Don't worry- I'm not agains weight gain in pregnancy- I realize its normal and important- I was just worried when I gained so much so fast!

I talked with my friend Heather today who delivered two babies with OBGYNs and then her third with a midwife group. It was good to talk to someone who comes from a somewhat similar background and thought process as me. We both just kept coming back to the idea that its just much better to be the one informed and making choices. To be an active player in the process, rather than fearful and med-seeking. She admitted that her experience with the midwives wasn't perfect either- but said it was still a better epereince.

I was reading today that the babies now about the size of a peanut. Oh!!! My little peanut!!!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The Business of Being born

Watched the documentary "The Business of Being Born" last Friday. It was pretty good. Can't say I totally agree with it, and it's pretty one sided- but its from the side women don't hear much from- and for that I think its important. Some of the points are pretty old- it talked a lot about elected C-sections and the risks they bring, and inductions in general. It certainly still is a problem- because I know there are many places where that is the case- but the documentary almost made it seem as if all doctors and hospitals ritually use PIT and prefer inductions and C-sections. I know that the two doctors I delivered with would not. It also really pushed the idea of running away from hospitals altogether and that one's only hope to deliver the way they hope to is to deliver at home. After watching it I felt the opposite. I certainly agreed that women today are taught to be fearful of the labor and delivery and are convinced tha "doctors know best" and just go with the "norm". I know especially with Josh I was that way. At the same time I'm very thankful for the modern medicines and facilities of a hospital. I just think that doctors and hospitals need to be more informed and accepting of natural birth and midwives- and trust women more in making wise choices. To work together... I want to deliver "naturally"- but have all the comforts and clean up of a hospital staff, and the back up if something goes wrong.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Glow?

People always talk about the pregnancy "glow". Yeah. I don't think I'm really blessed with the "glow" gene. I certainly never felt like my skin, hair or nails got better when I was pregnant with Josh or Dekker. BUT I have noticed stronger, longer nails with this one- so I guess that's something to be thankful for.

I went for my first midwife appointment today. It wasn't too eventful really. Just the normal pee in a cup, blood draw, and getting my previous pregnancies info. Everyone was really friendly and helpful. I met one of the three midwifes there (I met another one when I went in for my yearly exam- so I only have one more to meet.)

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Emotional

And so it starts. The hormones must be in full force because this last week has been an emotional one. The other night Jake and I were going over our budget, and Jake asked me, "Do you realize you just went from laughing hysterically to crying in a matter of minutes?!" He really wasn't sure what to do.(Don't worry. I don't even remember why I was crying- but it wasn't really due to our budget. Our finance situation is fine!) Luckily I realized how crazy it was too- but I simply couldn't control myself. And I think it was Sunday that I broke into tears because I was "tired of feeling sick and fat".... Here it starts, and so it goes...

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Ew! That smell!

My nose has been SO sensitive this week! I smell all kinds of yucky smells and they always seem incredibly strong and make me sick- while others can't even smell them, or barely smell them.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

6 week mark

Today I went to the gym and rode the elliptical for just under an hour. My body feels so different already. Maybe I didn't pay as much attention before, or maybe my now 30 year old body just feels it all the more. You're worth it though- we are so excited for you!

I scheduled my first midwife appointment today. It will be April 23rd. You will be my first baby seeing a midwife instead of an OBGYN. I debated if I should go with Mt. Timpanogos Women's Midwife group- who delivers at American Fork Hospital, or with the New Beginnings Nurse Midwife group who will deliver at the smaller Orem hospital. I decided to go with the New Beginnings group because the rooms are bigger at that hospital and Vicky Gonzales, a woman from my ward who is a delivery nurse there, highly recommended them and the hospital. She's a smart, sweet lady- who loves her job and has been doing it for years- so her opinion had a big impact on my decision.

Still feel sick off and on- more so at nights. It does seem better this week than last though! I've been craving eggs and mexican food (beans and rice?) so I guess I need more protein.

The last couple of days Josh has started saying, "We don't have a girl baby yet. Maybe this one will be a girl baby!" So I guess we're all hoping for a girl now- but we'll love you if you're a boy just the same!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

To my Newest One,

I dedicate this blog to you!

I found out just a short week ago today that you were on your way! Your father and I had made the decision to have another baby, and so were hoping to get pregnant during March 2009. I started to suspect I was pregnant when I noticed my breasts were more tender and had a couple quick-passing feelings of nausea. Your dad kept asking me if I was pregnant yet, and when I told him I suspected so he began begging me to take a test. On the night of the 24th I promised him I would take one the next morning (so it would be more accurate) even though it would still be a day or two early. That morning I woke up about 5am with a need to pee, remembering my promise I went ahead and grabbed the pregnancy test. Not wanting to fully wake up though, I didn't turn on any lights. I peed on the little stick and tried to read an answer. In the dim light though I couldn't really see it, and I didn't want to wait too long before returning to bed- so I set it on the bathroom counter and went back to bed, thinking that maybe there was a positive sign- but if it was it had been faint.

A couple hours later Jake woke up and was getting ready to get in the shower when HE remembered our pact- he popped his head out the bathroom door and said, "Swettie, remember to come take the test!" When I responded "I already have..." he yelled, "what!?" I explained and told him where to find it. He immediately found it and yelled, "You're pregnant!" to which I responded "Oh good! I couldn't tell when I read it last night." He was a little dumbfounded that I was more energetic- but mother's intuition had already told me I was- and so the test was just confirming it.

From that day forward I began noticing more frequent feelings of "morning sickness". I was a bit surprised, because I had had none with Josh, and though I had some with Dekker it wasn't till I was more like 6 weeks. They've increased in strength- thous I have yet to actually throw up, I have actually ran to the toilet thinking I would twice already- where I only did that once with Dekker. The other unique thing thus far is that I seem to feel worst at night, and after SWEETS! I console myself that it will help me keep from gaining too much weight. Speaking of weight... I've gained about 3 pounds already! It could just be because the second and 3rd weeks in March we were traveling (to St. George and Colorado) and so I didn't eat as well- but since being back I've actually been more cautious about what I ate and how much I exercised because I'm already at a higher weight than I wanted to be going in to all of this... It does have me a bit superstitious that maybe Jake's wish for twin girls has turned into reality. I did tell Jake last night (after really bad nausia) that this pregnancy has already felt so different that it has to be either a girl, or twins- to which he responded, "or both!!!". Of course, many women say that their pregnancies get harder with each child, or that pregnancies in your 30s are more difficult... so we'll see.

"We'll see." That reminds me about Josh. Josh is so excited for you. We talked to him about the possibility of having another baby before we started trying, to which he responded with much enthusiasm. Now that he knows "there's a baby in Moma's belly" he is constantly telling me, "I'm excited for a new baby in our family" and "I love the new baby in your belly" and is lately has started patting and rubbing "the baby". When anyone asks him if he wants a brother or sister, or what we should name the baby he simply answers, "We will see!" I love that he is old enough to be excited about it all.

Jake is also VERY excited. I'm so happy, because he was more hesitant than I to have baby number three- but he is so excited. I wanted to keep it "on the down low" for a while- but he started telling everyone- so I relented as well. He is really wanting a girl, or twin girls, as already mentioned- but will of course be happy with a boy as well.

I'm hoping for a girl too- but I've been thinking that if its a boy then it will be that much easier to petition with a fourth baby later. At first I didn't have any mother's intuition feelings one way or the other, but the last couple days have begun to feel it will be a girl. We'll see if I continue to feel that way.

Well, my little one. That is it for now. I hope I can continue to record details of the pregnancy for you and I to look back on one day together!